It’s been a sad while since I’ve been able to give this blogging-thing the respect it deserved, and to be honest, I’ve missed writing. Missed having an outlet to contemplate the state of my world. I even found myself on multiple occasions constructing posts in my head of things I wanted to write about or would discuss when I finally had the chance to do more than ‘just keep breathin’. Starting with that amazing Tom Cruise Scientology video… I mean, seriously, wth? Is he on something? Did he ingest too many of Morpheus’s red pills? At first I thought he had to be joking, but no, he’s dead serious. I had to giggle to keep from stabbing myself with a letter opener as he ‘humbly’ informed the world of his desire to help his fellowman. If you have taken the few minutes, please watch the video. Try and keep up with his acronyms; it’s more than a tad bit creepy, and I’ll pay money to anyone who can decipher his ranting.

Moving on, in case you haven’t gotten my not-so-subtle hints, the Packers my Packers are in the NFC Championship game on Sunday, and the best part… I get to be with my dad and brother to cheer them on (unlike this past week where I was stuck at work refreshing text in a web browser). I’m really not sure there’s enough space in the house for the three of us to watch the same game, but hopefully Brett will deliver one of his masterpieces and the post-game celebration will be that much sweeter because I will be with the two cheeseheads I love most. I probably should be concerned about the man-crush my brother has on Brett, but then again my dad and I feel the same way. Maybe the love is genetic? Then, the Pack will be heading to my neck of the woods for Superbowl XLII in Glendale, Az.

As for work… nevermind. Let’s not go there. It’ll just be easier on us all if that four-letter word is left alone. But, oh, oh, oh! Tomorrow night is Ryan Adams night. Jeff and I are leaving midday tomorrow to make sure we meet up with Zac in Tucson and get to will-call earlier enough to get in and see any surprise pre-set Ryan might deliver. Apparently, he played a five-song acoustic set in Tulsa on Wednesday before he and The Cardinals came out to start the show. All in all, he played something like 31 in his two sets. Maybe Zac’s 93 song dream setlist wasn’t so crazy. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for Miss Sunflower and Come Pick Me Up. I’m sure you’ll be hearing more post-show.I’m harboring a few developing topics of conversation that should eventually materialize into posts in the next few days, so be prepared. As for anything else that needs to be said, TGIF (almost) and don’t forget to chant in chorus with me on Sunday… Go Pack, Go! Go Pack, Go!

Four short years ago, Democratic Presidential hopeful Howard Dean, an early poll leader, was startled to find himself in third place after the Iowa Democratic Caucus. With his campaign obviously losing momentum, Dean focused on encouraging his troops at their post-caucus rally. Many of you may remember his concession speech (or battle cry) from that night. Just in case you’ve forgotten or haven’t seen it lately, let’s take a stroll down memory lane for old time’s sake. (On a side not, I can’t lie… I am truly disappointed Hilary lacked Dean’s enthusiasm in her Iowa 3rd place finish last night. She could surely learn a few things about being a gracious loser and naming all 50 states from him.)

I’m feeling pretty insignificant today. Pretty forgotten. Unnoticed. Unimportant. It’s not a feeling I like. I like to be the center of attention. “The hostess with the mostest” as my dad would say. I like to know I matter. To know that there’s a reason I exist. My gloominess started with the pleasure of driving to work in the fog. There’s nothing like not being able to see more than 20 feet in front of you to make you feel isolated and alone. The wind has howled longingly all day, and you can’t go outside without being soaked to the bone and chilled to your soul. Work didn’t do much to help the situation, and as I drove back home in the rain, even my favorite songs seemed to be too sad and forlorn to listen to. (Then again, most of my favorites aren’t found in the “If You’re Happy And You Know It” songbook.) But, alas, I’m home… in pajamas… drinking hot tea… rockin’ out to Matty Nay. All the problems of my world aren’t solved, but if I’m gonna feel lonely, I wanna be in a pink room listening to a pink iPod. Wouldn’t you?

I was pondering as I drove home from Wal-Mart what exactly I would write about in today’s post, and to be honest, you really aren’t gonna get much. There are many little stories and pictures that I have to share from the past few days… The Format concert… the final day of preparation for the big Thanksgiving Dinner… a new JM song. But tonight I need sleep, and before I can be horizontal I still need to create a schedule of when twenty turkeys and eight hams need to go into and be removed from nine ovens all in seven and a half hours. So tonight all I wanna tell you is I’m excited. I’m little tired. More than anything, I’m happier and more content than I can remember being in a long time despite the stresses of tomorrow and the weariness of today, and that’s a really great place to be.

I’ll post more tomorrow.  I promise.  I really have a lot I want to discuss.  But I’m just too tired tonight.  My legs are aching.  My hands are burned.  I have cuts all over them from the wire brush and my 3 hour battle vs the oven.  (I won, of course.)  Today was supposed to be simple enough.  I was going to go to church, go cookie supply shopping, and relax and bake a few dozen cookies.  However, that must have been too easy.  Because instead I let four kids have arts and crafts hour in my living room while baking 20 dozen cookies.  Yes… over 240 cookies have been created from my kitchen today.  This was no relaxing baking session but a chaotic 9 hour undertaking that left my home full of Peanut Butter, Pumpkin, Cranberry Pecan, Oatmeal Raisin, and Oatmeal Pecan Raisin cookies.  So if you’ve got a sweet tooth, let me know I might be able to provide.

I have been pondering all day what the topic of today’s post should be and have a interesting problem…. I don’t know what to talk about. Not because I can’t think of anything but because I have too much floating around in my head. I’ve started this post at least 5 times, and each time my words have disappeared with a simple Ctrl+A… delete. Each of these posts will eventually make their way to this site; they just aren’t ready yet. Maybe they haven’t matured or maybe I’m not ready to make them real. You’ll just have to be patient.

So…instead of blogging and putting my fragmented thoughts into complete sentences, I escaped with Lauren to see a movie, Martian Child, to be exact. Now let’s be honest, this movie isn’t going to be up for any Oscars next April, but it was perfect for tonight. A feel-good, chick flick with an equal and heart-warming blend of laughter and tears. It was a total cliche’, and I loved every minute of it. A little boy so afraid of where the world around him has left him that he convinces himself that he’s not a part of this world. He hides, builds walls, and seeks comfort in not being one of the masses. Who of us hasn’t done that or at least wanted to? Not me. Remember I escaped reality with a John Cusack movie. So keep your eyes peeled for more substance between these two pink columns, but tonight… I was a Martian.

Zac, my brother, and I are two completely different people. My mom couldn’t possibly have had two my diverse children. Both of us find humor in how the other reacts to certain situations. Take blogging for instance, Zac swore up and down that he wanted to blog with me this month. But, guess what?!?! It’s Day 4 and we’ve heard no words from him. Instead, he’s rereading NFL articles on ESPN… playing his gameboy… and moaning about how he has nothing to say or write about. He actually went as far as mocking me for the fact that I’m taking this daily posting thing so seriously. The whole thing bums me out because in my opinion he’s much funnier, wittier, insightful, and better looking (he paid me to say that) than I am. So tonight’s blog is a shameless online pleading for him to buckle down and bless us with his point of view. So for fun I’m including his old 2005, only 4 posts, very short lived blog address and his new, waiting to be filled (hopefully more frequently than the last) blog address. Whaddya say, Zac??? Pretty please….

I’m working on the hunch no one is reading this so I’m gonna be honest with you. This day sucks. I woke up and it sucked from the moment my eyes opened. It has sucked in an undefinable, can’t explain to anyone what’s happening in my heart and head, wish I could just give up and crawl back in bed kind of way. I didn’t tell any one of the thirty people I saw today that I felt empty inside, instead I prayed when they looked at me and my smile that they wouldn’t see the sorrow. Hoped that my laugh didn’t sound hollow.

As if nature was a reflection of me, it rained all day. Part of me wants to just go sit out in the rain. Let it pour over me and cleanse me from the outside in. At least I have a lonely office and an iPod that loves me enough to bring the right songs up on shuffle with the minimal number of skips. I know tomorrow will be better, right? Sleep, hot showers, cups of tea, and singing at the top of my lungs will be my miracle drug tonight. I just wish I didn’t have to be such an addict.

Lauren posted this as a myspace blog recently and it inspired me to ponder what I would say if given the chance to those in my life. Here’s how it works.

**Choose 15 people who you want to say something to but will probably never actually do it. Don’t put their names**

Here it goes:

1) I miss you. I miss who we used to be. I know things can’t be that way again, and I’m sorry. Sorry for anything you might have perceived as hurtful. Sorry you couldn’t live the life. I hope you find what you’re looking for. But more than anything, I hope you find Him.

2) I’m sorry I wasn’t there in the end. Immaturity leads to selfishness and if I could do it all over again I would have been there every possible moment. I hope you can forgive me. I forgive you. I know that all of that wasn’t who you really were. I know you loved me and my family. I love you. I see so much of you in me and hope you’re proud of all of us. But most of all, I miss you. Miss our friendship. Miss knowing that even if the whole world is against me, you were in my corner. Thank you. Click To Continue Reading…

I’ve spent a lot of my last few months sorting through every emotion there has ever been. I would list them one by one. But google ‘emotions’ and you’ll find me there. Today I decided to quit being so angry. Emotions aren’t a choice but how you deal with them is. So today, I’m not angry. I’m working to not let things get to me. I going to be happy, not bitchy, but happy. Why? Because it’s healthier. Because no one wants to deal with someone who is an emotional vampire. No one likes a party pooper but most importantly, because its best for me. Because I’m hoping my tears have dried up and my smiles are here to stay. Each day will get easier and easier to be genuinely happy as I learn to base my happiness on heavenly things and not the order and belonging I desire.

How do you know what God has in store for you? You ask. You rest. You bury yourself in Him and His word. There will be hard days. I’m sure of it. But the only way I live out my Faith is actually living out my Faith. Not talking about it. Not pretending. But bunkering down and standing firm in Him. Pray for me….. and me, pray for you.

I have a very wide array of friends, an eclectic group some might say. Friends who make me laugh. Friends who don’t mind when I cry. Friends who are total geeks and proud of it. Friends who get me when no one else does. Friends I never talk to but I can connect back with in an instant. Friends who I see everyday and never get tired of. Lauren is one of those friends. She like the little sister I never had but always wanted. I love Lauren because we can go from the most serious conversation about life, love, and other mysteries to being completely silly seamlessly. Tuesday is our normal ‘lunch date’, but we also try to hang out at least one other day/evening each week. This week we decided to treat ourselves to pedicures on Sunday after church. Click To Continue Reading…

So my short fling with Baldy ended. I’ve learned a few valuable lessons that I would like to share:

• Once a cheater, always a cheater. If for some reason you think he won’t cheat on you, he will. The grass will always be greener on the other side.
• You are who you are, not who he makes you. There’s nothing like constructive criticism, but if your whole life needs to be modified to meet his needs…. walk.
• Premature affirmation. If he says I love you before you can say I like you, forever may not be on your horizon.
• If he’s telling you about a ‘new friend’ and is guilty…. she’s more to him than a friend.

So i’ve learned some things… and, sure, I’m upset. Not because he was Mr. Everything. To be honest, he wasn’t really anything special…… his biggest selling point was his attraction to me and that didn’t take long to see through when he settled for the girl who was close and could meet his physical needs. But he was still something and for me, somethings don’t come around very often. Like once every 18 months or so. At least I know now to expect another one until the Summer of 2008. Maybe the future new boy and I can enjoy the Beijing Olympics together. That only last like 2-3 weeks…. that’s not too long to expect someone to stick around…. is it?

Holy crapamoly! John Rocks Cox ’07 has come and gone and what a freakin’ weekend it was.