In lieu of the typical New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve decided to do one thing and one thing only… choose to be happy.  The past year has been one of the best and craziest years of my life.  It hasn’t been amazing because I won the lottery or spent six months vacationing in Europe.  No, it was simply because I made the selfish and worthwhile choice to surround myself with positive things.  A wise friend once told me that you can’t possibly make a difference in this world and in people’s lives if you’re running on empty, and this year has shown me that.

What seemed like the greatest leap of faith months ago now feels like the first baby step of growth.   In twelve months time, I moved out on my own and created a home that was mine.  I embraced change and lived by faith.  People who were an negative influence on my life or added unneeded drama somehow fell away, and I was constantly reminded at the blessings I had in my friends and family.   I’ve struggled in the past with being content at where I am on this life’s journey, but as I spent the last six months consciously deciding to be happy, I’ve realized being content isn’t a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week thing.  It’s the ability to have faith that where you are on your life’s journey is exactly where God wants you to be.  As I look to a brand new year, I can say with confidence that this one is going to be one of the best yet.

So here’s to 2009… may it be everything we hope for.

Of all of the Christmas gifts I was blessed with this Christmas, the one that might mean the most to me is a pearl necklace given to me from my parents.  The ‘Purity Pearl’ necklace was at the top of Christmas wish list this year.  You see, one of my student workers, Phil, is the creator and founder of climatepearl.com, and from the first time I saw his signature pearl I was in love with it.  Not only is the pearl my birthstone, but this necklace has a special story attached to it.  Back when I was a CaresTeam, I had the privilege of meeting and working with Melodee who was one-half on a neighboring team.  As interconnected as we all are, Phil and Melodee are friends, also, and Mel’s story is one that truly parallels the lifecycle of the pearl.  Phil even called to make sure the pearl arrived before Christmas once he realized that my mom was my mom.  Because I believe in supporting great ideas and have fallen in love with my new necklace and matching earrings, I think you should take a second and check out climate pearl and read Mel’s story.  Then bookmark CP for the next time you need a special birthday, Valentine’s or Mother’s Day gift.

Who wants to buy me this bag?  I almost bought this one a few months back, but by the time I went to order it, it was sold out.  This is my spring version of that bag.  Now I just gotta convince myself I really truly need it.

Merry Christmas!  I’m not sure when this post will actually see the light of day, but that really doesn’t matter when you can back publish posts, right?  I’m home in Willcox for the holiday season, and now more than ever there is really no other place I’d rather be.  I’ve been home since Saturday when my amazing brother drove all the way to Flagstaff (Thursday night) to bring me home since I can’t drive due to my awesomeness and ankle air cast.  Since I’ve been home I’ve been graced with the opportunity to see Hero and her lovely family, countless hometown friends, and my lifelong church family.  I forget sometimes what it’s like to be in this small town until we head to the grocery store and run into at least 4 or 5 people we know.  It’s in those ‘hello…catch up… hope to see you soon’ moments that I feel truly blessed to be a native of such a small community.

One of the highlights of my time home this Christmas was the annual church caroling session on Sunday night.  For the past five years, my mom and I have bundled up and met a handful of our lifelong church friends at the church to carpool to the four nursing homes in town and the homes of our elderly and shut-in church members to sing our favorite carols to them.  I could pretend that my participation in this yearly activity is purely altruistic, but the truth is beyond making the elderly happy and getting to see them sing-a-long with just us, I go for two selfish reasons.   The first is to have the chance to stand beside my mom and sing.  There’s something almost magical about how family sounds together when they sing and living five hours away from mine limits the time that Mom and I get to sing together.

The second reason that I never miss these church outings is my dearest childhood friend, Kate.  I don’t know how to explain Kate but to say that she’s everything you’d want your daughter to grow up and be.  As a kid I knew Kate’s sister Leslie better than Kate because Kate was nine years older than me.  Leslie was just a year older than me and was born with Down’s Syndrome.  Of all the things Kate and I share a protectiveness and love for Leslie is atop the list.  The first few times Kate and I went caroling together it was because we both were home visiting family, however two years ago Kate moved home to be closer to Leslie which means I get to see her on more than just holidays.  Heck, she even cuts my hair now!

Caroling with Kate is an absolute joy.  Not just because she’s got an awesome voice and is fun to sing with, but because everything with Kate is just that much more fun when she’s there.  Things that normally would annoy us or upset us singularly seem funny when we’re together.  It’s like having a sister or kindred spirit who you don’t have to see everyday to feel close to, and no matter the activity, you’d both show up to just spend time together.  This year was no different.  From singing ‘Feliz Navidad’ and ‘Hit The Road, Jack’ in the back of her parent’s Explorer to sharing ancient stories of church follies, caroling with Kate, Leslie, their dad, Mom and Zac was two hours that I wouldn’t trade for anything else.

So on this Christmas morning, I’m happy.  Thankful for friends.  Blessed by family, and ecstatic to be home.  Merry Christmas to each and every one of you… I hope that you, too, are as blessed as I am.

I’ve always considered myself to be a math person, so I should have realized this bloggin’ everyday thing would eventually lead to a large number of posts.  However, when I noticed a few days ago that I was approaching the big 5-0-0, it was more of a suprise than it should have been.  Let’s not tell Mr. Laduke (my HS math teacher) that I’ve slipped so far down the arithmatic chain, k?  With my ankle propped up and icing (see, Mom, I am taking care of myself) I spent a few hours this evening reading back again through the last year and a half of my life, and as much as I’m still Laurel, I find hope in the growth and change that has happened.  So to commemorate this slightly momentous posting occasion, I thought I’d share back with you five of my favorite/truest/funniest posts of our time together.

5)  Happy Birthday, Spacewolf!  (Zac’s 25th Birthday video)

4) My mom’s love of telling time, my dad’s ADD confessions, and Zac’s pranks… humor… and awesomeness.

3)  The time I was called a lesbian, saw Ryan Adams and The Cardinals, John Mayer, Ingrid, the Crows and Matty Nay to name a few, fed the masses, begged my bffs take over, and celebrated my 27th in style.

2) Written back at the beginning of the great CaresTeam departure/Laurel moving out on her own.

Change is still headed my way. I’m still gonna have moments of complete and utter collapse, and what needs to happen in the next few months will still overwhelm me. But, I’ve stopped playing the reality peek-a-boo game because I know that time marches on whether or not you want it to. For now, let’s go ahead and schedule a time this fall where we can all sit back and laugh at my drama queen distress today. We’ll watch the Arizona sun set as we sip iced tea, and I won’t be offended when you remind how we all knew deep down… it would be okay.

Say it with me now… you were right. It was/ok better than ok.

1) The great Charlie abduction, ransom note, detective work, and New World Order video.

It’s funny. Usually by this time in the year, I’ve got a peppermint mocha in my hand, and Christmas music blaring from all nearby speakers. Sure, my house is decorated for the holidays and pretty stinkin’ cute if I say so myself. My shopping is all done, and my Christmas cards are ready to mail. But beyond my repeated watchings of Elf (my favorite Will Ferrell movie) and without the presence of that white, flaky stuff (snow for all of you in the rest of Arizona), I’m just not feeling the season yet. It really doesn’t help either that the stores started playing holiday tuneage after Halloween. I mean I love ‘I’ll be home for Christmas’ but have no desire to sing it seven weeks before I’ll actually be home. So today’s musical offering or early Christmas present is the playlist that is currently filling the musical spaces of my life. Maybe by next week, we’ll get to talk about the joys of Christmas music and singing carols, hopefully:)

David Archuleta- Crush: Don’t hate. There’s a reason this kid was the American Idol runner-up. “Do you catch a breath when I look at you? Are you holding back like the way you do? ‘Cause I’m trying, trying to walk away. But I know this crush ain’t goin’ away.”

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Missy Higgins – Where I Stood:  “And I won’t be far from where you are if ever you should call. You meant more to me then any one I’ve ever loved at all. But you taught me how to trust myself . And so I say to you, this is what I have to do.”

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Kanye West – Heartless: Kanye is 2008′s ambassador to the 80s. “In the night I hear them talk. The coldest story ever told. Somewhere far along this road, he lost his soul to a woman so heartless. How could you be so heartless?”

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Jennifer Hudson – Spotlight: (GO WATCH the video.  NOW.) “Well, I don’t like living under your spotlight just because you think I might find somebody worthy.”

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Adele – Chasing Pavements: Oh, Adele.  If things go as I hope, this songbird will walk away with at least one Grammy this spring.  (fingers crossed) “Should I give up or should I just keep chasing pavements? Even if it leads nowhere? Or would it be a waste even if I knew my place?”

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John Mayer – Clarity/Lost Remix: Mayer covering Coldplay might be blasphemy to some but not me. “Just because I’m hurting doesn’t mean I’m hurt.  Doesn’t mean I didn’t get what I deserve. No better and no worse.”

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Estelle – American Boy: With just enough Kanye to make it right.  “I really want to come kick it with you.  You’ll be my American boy.”

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Ray LaMontagne – Let It Be Me: How can you not fall in love with this man’s voice… “That’s when you need someone, someone that you can call.  And when all your faith is gone, feels like you cant go on.  Let it be me.”

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Pink – Sober: Sure, she might beat the crap out of you in a dark alley.  But the emotion in her voice while she did it would so make it worth it. “I’m safe up high.  Nothing can touch me. But why do I feel this party’s over?”

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So last night I’m leaving work heading to my car when I step off the concrete ledge onto the pavement between my car and another. Except instead of there being flat, wonderfully solid pavement there is a huge crack and pothole in the solid ground I wasn’t expecting.  Needless to say, my right ankle rolled and popped under me, and I face-planted it.  I must have sat on the ground in the dark between two cars crying for what seemed like an hour but was probably ten minutes wiling myself to stand up and begging my ankle to stop throbbing.  Eventually, I hobbled to my car unlocked the door and crawled to safety, but driving with my busted right foot wasn’t going to happen.  So I did the only logical thing… I drove home with my left.  After the slowest three mile drive of my life, I finally made it home and into my bed to survey the damage.  Upon seeing how swollen it had become so quickly, I called Cory, and after a quick game of phone tag, he was on his way to help me decide if I needed to be hospital bound.  With a quick consult of WebMD, we decided it was probably just a sprain, and ice and elevation with a side of multiple episodes of House and some good company/nursing was what any doctor would have called for to be better by morning.

Sleep did not come easily, and by the time I woke up this morning, I had zero mobility and could barely even stand.  When it took me over an hour to get to the bathroom, get dressed, brush my hair, and put my hair in a ponytale, I realized that maybe I needed to seek medical attention.  Once again, Cory saved the day and chauffeured me to the ER.  Lucky for me, the place was almost empty at just after 8am, and I was back in radiology within 15 minutes of arriving.  After repeating ‘no, I’m not pregnant’ at least four times, x-rays were taken and I was headed to a room.  Somehow I should have known that being put in a room so quickly would not end as well as I had hoped, but my judgement was so clouded with pain that I didn’t find it as odd as I should have when the nurse instructed me to undress for my full exam.  I’m sure somewhere in the back of my brain an alarm usually would have been going off that ankle injuries do not require clothes-less exams, but the batteries had died in that alarm when I ate pavement last night.

So like a good patient (something I rarely am) I disrobed and went to put on the gown they had left me.  Have you ever seen Tommy Boy???  Remember the Fat Guy In A Lil Coat scene.  Well, welcome to my gown experience. This gown was small, but I followed orders and shoved my arms through the arm holes like a dutiful child.  However, there was not enough fabric to cover my chest.  So while the gown was on, my arms were sticking straight out the front, and my back was left completely exposed.  Looking like some freak, one-legged robot, I climbed into bed to wait.  Twenty minutes and a round of text messages to family and friends to let them know where I was later, the nurse came back in with a chart in hand looked at me and then the chart before confessing that there had been a patient mix-up.  Since I did not have a kidney stone and wasn’t twelve years old, I could put my clothes back on, and my real doctor (not the kidney one but the ankle one) would be in shortly.

The next hour was spent looking at my films (no breaks), prepping me with an air cast for my severely sprained ankle with minor ligament damage, and teaching me how to use crutches properly.  Mmmm an air cast and crutches, what a great way to spend the holidays!  To make a long story a tad bit shorter with Cory’s help, I made it to work for over five hours (haha to taking 3-4 days off of work) and am now resting with my leg elevated and ice on my ankle.  Just to prove that I’m not making it all up, I’m including pictures of my awesome ankle, badass crutches, and soon to be pink air cast.  I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again… who wouldn’t wanna be me?!?!

My ankle this am. Notice the awesome swelling and bruising. If only I could find an eyeshadow in that pretty lavender shade.

Who wants to help decorate my air cast??? I bought it. Might as well, Laurel-fy it.

Oh, hospital wristband. Truly the perfect accessory to wear to an interview you’re helping conduct. Nothing says, ‘wanna come work with us’ like the chance that your newest coworker has just escaped from the hospital.

It’s been ten years since the entertainment phenomenon of Britney Spears arrived on the scene, and since then the world has been obsessed with her every waking moment. Last night after a busy week and busier weekend, Lauren and I finally sat down to watch the DVRed Britney Spears: For The Record documentary on MTV, and after watching I feel nothing but pity for her. Sure, she chose fame and made the choices that brought her to the place she is in, but that in no way means, I have the right to find pleasure in her pain.

The truth is if people didn’t read the tabloids or buy the magazines, Britney’s story would be different. I won’t lie… I’ve made fun of her in the past. Laughed at her 2007 VMA performance… stared bewildered at her shaved head… enjoyed watching the mighty fall. But after watching her, I can’t help but wonder when did I become so calloused that the brokenhearted (no matter who they are or how much they’re worth) don’t affect me anymore?

On the latest album of Bebo Norman (one of my favorite Christian artists), Norman wrote a song specifically for Britney as an apology to what we as the world have done to her and young women as a whole. We’ve taken everything that should matter as a person and replaced it with superficial fluff, and now we wonder why our 12 year-olds look 16. I’m just as much to blame as the next person, but I’m hoping the next time I start to find joy in someone else’s misfortune I’ll remember this song… and the broken girl we’ve created.

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As I was driving home for Thanksgiving today and stuck traveling at a snail’s pace through most of Phoenix, I had the opportunity to turn up the iPod and reflect on for first 11 months of this year. My simple conclusion… I have so much to be thankful for. Somewhere between 40th Street and Ray Road, I realized that the list of everything I have been blessed with and by in 2008 that I was building in my head was too long to remember or copy down while driving (if I hoped to make it home safely). So seven hours and 326 miles later, here is my Thanksgiving list.

I’ve never been more thankful than I am right now for my faith and the joy I have in waking up each day knowing that there is both a purpose and a plan for my life. I am thankful for my church home both in Flagstaff and all of my life-long church family members in Willcox. I’m thankful for finally having a place to worship at and the open arms of everyone at FSBC.

My parents and their unconditional love and acceptance are more than I could ever hope for. Click To Continue Reading…

Holy crappamoly!  It’s amazing what you can do when you’re not turning your apartment into a haunted house or feeding an apartment complex three times a month.  As much as I’ve missed being a CaresTeam, there are a few benefits. My house is cleaner. I don’t stress out about getting home from work at 8pm or going in on a weekend.  I get to enjoy baking and cooking again, and as of 9pm today, I have ALL of my Christmas shopping done except for two (hard-to-shop-for) people.  Now I just have to wrap, pack and ship (the easy stuff) and refrain from giving people their gifts early or letting Zac convince me to tell him what he’s getting. That kid is way too smart for his own good.

10.  Days off in the middle of the week

9.    New Music Tuesday

8.    A good book before bedtime

7.    Chiropractor appointments with my favorite sports fanatic doc

6.    Fratelliquillas, twice in one day

5.    Cute convertible gloves (in pink and black)

4.    Melted first snows

3.    New pairs of contacts (because three months might be too long to wear the old ones.)

2.    Working remote controls in every room of my apartment

1.    And most importantly, best friends (in all shapes and sizes)

Life has been pretty freakin’ sweet as of late.  I’m not quite sure what’s been going on, but for the first time in a long time I feel like the dark clouds have begun to clear from the sky and follow someone else around.  Yes, yes, life hasn’t been that bad, but I have been in a slump. (Think batting .295 instead of .330 not October ’08 Stock Market.)  It’s something I think I’ve been dealing well with for the most part.  Sure, there was that church thing awhile back and moving and leaving Cares.  Work hasn’t been 40 hours a week of bliss but more like 60 hours of juggling a feather, bowling ball, and screamin’ toddler at the same time, however life is still grand.

I think this upswing of happiness started months ago with all of the changes in my life, but I really began to feel and embrace it in the past two weeks.  It doesn’t help that I’ve had some pretty awesome times with friends to remind me of how great life can really be.  The pajama party with my munchkins was the perfect beginning to this friendapalooza.  Then, the very next day I was graced with the the humor and wisdom of JLo during a three hour rendezvous outside of Late For The Train downtown.  Caffeine and people watching sets the perfect backdrop for two old friends to catch up on a Sunday evening.

Monday was no slacker in the joy department as Lauren, Jeff and I headed down the mountain to spend an evening with Matty Nay.  The drive down was full of spastic twitter conversations about Albert Pujols and the Saved By The Bell cast, and Mr. Nathanson did not disappoint.  Of course, I am a lil sad that for the second time in a row he showed love to my accompanying cast and not me, but watching him call out Jeff aka beard boy for not singing along to ‘Take On Me’ was well worth the lack of love.  Tuesday marked the release of the Ryan Adams’ album and Jeff’s release party complete with a drama queen (not me this time!), dutiful boyfriend, drunk roommate (mint ice cream mojitos, ew!), and Arrested Development, while Wednesday and Thursday brought good times with great friends, the kind that make you feel like you belong.

Our dear friend Kyle (Mr. I’ll Never Talk To You After Graduation) blessed us with his presence on Friday and filled our evening with tales of the Border Patrol Academy while we munched on tacos and enchiladas.  (Oh, the irony!) Grey’s Anatomy and Ugly Betty completed our Halloween evening, and Saturday was full of a Battlestar Galactica marathon (don’t hate) and an afternoon with my favorite Flagstaff family and their unicow.  On Sunday morning, I sang in church for the first time in two years and found a spiritual home, while Sunday evening was spent playing ‘beauty shop’ as I cut Jeff’s hair and colored Lauren’s. Finally on Monday night, I crashed and slept for 11 hours to recover from all of the activities on my social calendar.

So needless to say, life has been fan-freakin-tastic, until today… or yesterday, since it’s 2am now.  Wednesday was a challenge from beginning to end, and for a reason I couldn’t quite comprehend for most of it, I was off.  The questions of ‘are you ok’, ‘what’s wrong’, ‘why are you emo’ could only be answered with ‘I don’t know’ or a lie of ‘I’m fine‘.  Some of the air in my happiness balloon had escaped, and I really couldn’t remember why.  Then somewhere within the few minutes of my drive home from work the shuffle mode of my iPod once again silenced me with a simple Lucinda Williams song, and without conscious thought my car drove past my apartment and headed away from the lights of Flagstaff.

Somewhere between the fifth and sixth time I listened to the song on repeat, my brain was able to finally put the puzzle pieces of this day’s happiness hiccup together and sort through what my heart was refusing to acknowledge and remember.  The older I get the more I realize that happiness is a choice.  We get to decide what and who affects us positively or negatively.  Ever the control freak, I’ve struggled too many times to keep my sad moments or sorrows in check until I’m alone, or even worse, I’ve lied straight to the face of those who love and care about me for fear of appearing weak.  I can’t promise that I’ll never be upset again or that I’ll never lie and say ‘I’m ok’ when I’m not, but I can promise this… if you ask me today ‘are you alright’ I’ll tell you of yesterday’s heartache and today’s happiness, and on the days where I can only tell you ‘I’m ok’ and you know it’s a lie, don’t stop asking, please?

Lucinda Williams – ‘Are You Alright?’

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As always Zac has great taste when it comes to music, and on my last voyage to the homeland of cotton, cows, and copper, he introduced me to one of my favorite new songs. I don’t listen to country music all day every day, but it’s hard to be in Willcox and not want to roll the windows down and drive slowly through town listening to country music. Something wonderful has been in the air as of late, and this song expresses that sentiment perfectly.  So listen! Watch!  Love!  Live!  And it’d sure be nice if you would roll with me.

Montgomery Gentry – Roll With Me

Wake up in the morning
Get to living my life
Making sure that Im all that I can be
Went to church on Sunday
There was a moment that came
I swear it was like the Lord spoke right to me

So now I’m slowing it down and I’m looking around
And I’m lovin’ this town and I’m doing alright
Aint’ worried ’bout nothing except the man I wanna be
I’m thinking it’s time to be livin’ the rhyme
When I’m singing a song about nothing but right
And it’d sure be nice if you would roll with me

Saw a kid last winter only twenty years old
Being laid to rest while his mom stood by his side
Sure was hard to watch those tears roll down her face
Made me think how we all just have our time

So now I’m slowing it down and I’m looking around
And I’m lovin/ this town and I’m doing alright
Aint’ worried ’bout nothing except the man I wanna be
I’m thinking it’s time to be livin’ the rhyme
When I’m singing a song about nothing but right
And it’s sure be nice if you would roll with me

Who knows whats ahead
I think I’d rather not know instead

So now I’m slowing it down and I’m looking around
And I’m lovin this town and I’m doing alright
Aint’ worried ’bout nothing except the man I wanna be
I’m thinking it’s time to be livin’ the rhyme
When I’m singing a song about nothing but right
And it’s sure be nice if you would roll with me