Orange-Berry Crumble

• 3 cups oats
• 1/2 cups all-purpose flour, plus 2 Tb
• 1 cup chopped pecans
• 1 cup dark brown sugar
• 1 cup granulated sugar
• 2 tsp of cinnamon
• zest of two oranges
• 2 sticks of unsalted butter, cut into small pieces
• 40 oz of frozen berries

Directions:

1. Preheat oven to 400° F.  In a large bowl, toss together oats, 1/2 cup flour, pecans (I used pecans that were already covered in cinnamon and sugar from a local orchard), brown sugar, 1/2 of the granulated sugar, cinnamon, and zest of 1 of the oranges.  Add butter and gently press with fingers to incorporate into mixture; set aside.
2. Place berries (I used 16 oz of raspberries, 16 oz of blackberries and 8 oz of blueberries) in a 12-inch cast iron skillet.  Sprinkle remaining 1/2 cup of granulated sugar, zest of second orange, and 2 TB of flour and gently toss.  Scatter oat mixture over berries.  Transfer to oven and bake until fruit is bubbly and topping is golden about 35-45 minutes.

(Taken from Country Living magazine and tweaked a bit to my taste.)

Homemade Chicken Potpie

• 2 Tb unsalted butter
• 1/2 medium white onion, minced
• 3 garlic cloves, minced
• 3 medium carrots, sliced into 1/4 inch-thick coins
• 2 ribs celery, sliced
• 2 baby Yukon gold potatoes, sliced
• 3 Tb all-purpose flour
• 1/3 cup heavy cream
• 3 cups chicken broth
• 4 cups roasted chicken breast meat
• 3/4 cup of frozen peas and pearl onions
• 1/2 cup of frozen sweet corn
• 5 sprigs of fresh thyme
• 1 (9-inch) store-bought pie crust
• 1 egg, beaten
• salt
• pepper

Directions:

1. You have two options for the roasted chicken in this recipe.  The first is to buy a grocery-store roasted chicken and just use all of the meat from it.  However, I roasted my own chicken breasts and LOVED the taste when I made this pot pie.  To do what I did, take 3 large split breasts that still have skin and pat them until they are completely dry.  Generously, salt and pepper, add a pat or two of butter and add a sprig of thyme to each breast under the skin. Drizzle the skin with a tsp of olive oil and roast all three on a jelly roll pan at 400° F for 45 minutes or until chicken is juicy and almost cooked.  Chicken may be 5-10 minutes from being completely cooked but remember that if will finish cooking in the pot pie. Once chicken is cooled, chop into large chunks and set aside.
2. Heat butter in 12-inch cast-iron skillet over medium heat.  Add onion, carrots, celery, potatoes, and garlic and cook until carrots and potatoes begin to soften.  Season generously with salt and pepper from the start.
3. Reduce heat to medium-low and stir in flour.  Cook 1 minute. Stir in heavy cream and broth, using a whisk, until combined.  Stir in chicken, peas and onions, corn and 2 thyme sprigs and bring mixture to a boil.  Make sure to taste mixture and season accordingly.Cook mixture on stove until all ingredients are heated thoroughly.  Remove from heat.
4. Gently roll out store-bought pie crust until it reaches 12 inches in diameter.  Place dough atop chicken mixture and brush with egg; cut vents in pastry.  Transfer skillet to over and bake until crust is browned and flaky, about 35 minutes at 400° F.

(Modified from Country Living recipe)

It shouldn’t be a shock to me that it’s been almost a year since I had the time and focus to spend a few moments contemplating my life or even sharing the details of what I’ve been up to with you, but it is. Part of being the perfectionist that I am means that if I can’t finish a task exactly as I had planned, I just won’t finish it. Case in point, blogging.

Somewhere along the way I came up with this great plan to blog once a day everyday. Yet, when there just wasn’t time to meet that goal, I stopped altogether. But I missed it. I missed sharing about the good times, venting about the bad and evaluating the everyday moments of life. So even though it’s been eleven months since I’ve flexed my fingers and utilized this lil piece of the Internet I call my own, I’m lowering my posts per day standard and finding my way back here again. Hopefully, this time around I’ll grant myself enough mercy to skip a few days here and there.

I’m not sure if it’s genetics, stress, that one time when I rolled a pickup truck and was hit in the back of the head with the car jack, hormones, or that men’s discus that hit me in the head during practice one day in high school, but for the last 5-6 years I get a migraine every other month or so. It’s taken quite a while to pinpoint what triggers them and how to get them under control before I’m stuck in bed for 25-30 straight hours.  Just in case you find yourself in similar circumstances,  I thought I’d share a few tricks with you.

1) Sleep… sleep… sleep… sleep – If sleep is not an option, head to step #2.

2) Excedrin Migraine – Never before has there been in OTC drug that is as phenomenal as this one. Acetaminophen, aspirin AND caffeine in a gel coated gift from above.

3) Water – Most days I try to drink at least a gallon to gallon and a half of water, but when my head feels like it might explode, water is a necessity to survival.

4) White noise- Back in college Sarah introduced me to David Miles Huber’s Ocean Voyages.  Since that time, every iPod I’ve ever owned always has this soothing 2 track album on it.  Whether I’m at home or work, I pop my headphones in and let the ocean sounds soothe my brain.

5) Darkness – Curtains and sunglasses are my best friend when the light is too much to handle.  Sure, I might be made fun of, but I’d rather wear sunglasses inside than be puking in my work trashcan.  It’s a simple choice, really.

I’m not sure why or what caused it. But from the moment I woke up until my head finally crashed onto the pillow, I didn’t feel like I mattered. It’s might be cliche, but it was such a “Something’s Missing” day. There was no reason to feel forgotten. I have a family who loves me, some of the greatest friends a girl could ask for and a wonderful boyfriend. But sometimes there is a short circuit between your brain and your heart. No matter how logical and sensible your brain is, when your heart hurts… your heart hurts. And no amount of reassurance and verbalization of your acceptance and belonging in this life can heal the self-perpetuated heartache known as insignificance.

These are the days where you pray for rain and a day off from civilization. Instead, it was a normal work day. A day where I had to interface with all of the usual people while wondering if I meant something to them. It’s morbid, I know. But who hasn’t wondered how people would react if you weren’t around. Now don’t get me wrong I wasn’t pondering jumping off a cliff. I’m just being overly dramatic…typical.

So here’s to hoping tomorrow will be better. That once again my brain and heart will talk to each other and leave the rest of me out of their battles.

I’m not quite sure if it was days or weeks ago that my dad asked me simply on the phone one night, “are you ever going to blog again now that you have a boyfriend?” I rolled my eyes and told him that I was working on it, but somewhere inside was unnerved that he had so quickly seized up my greatest current conundrum. You see when it was just me, talking about me was easy. All aspects of life and relationships were dissected and analyzed. Everything was fair game (as long as that old roommate or acquaintance wasn’t stalking me here), but now with another player involved I no longer feel that way. Funny thing is that while I’ve spent the last two months (at least) working to figure out how to continue to be me on here and still be open about the parts of my life that now include him, he’s had no issue whatsoever with the notion that he might be mentioned on the intarwebz.

In this new world order, I’ve been blogging privately. Seeking the necessary outlet of putting my thoughts and experiences to paper and only externally posting the silly and superficial things that allowed me to keep control of both of my domains, public and private. I’ve wondered how to appropriately answer your comments and questions of why this personal garden I once took so much pride in has been allowed to become overgrown with weeds, and honestly, the only reason I can come up with is to protect this seedling relationship. Stupid, I know. Unnecessary, I’ve come to realize. Dramatic, it’s me. Let’s not act surprised.

So give me another chance, and I’ll make it right starting right now because it feels like forever and I have so much I need to share. Take a big deep breath, world, and we’ll start with the obvious. I have a boyfriend and while this is never going to be one of the girlfriend blogs, you will once again be privy to all aspects of my life including him. Sound like a good deal? I hope so!

My family left today.  I swear everytime I have to say goodbye to them it gets harder and harder.  I cry more, and it takes that much longer to get my emotions back under control.  I’m not really sure why this is.  I wasn’t this way in college.  I’ve said goodbye to them and hopped in the car to drive home numerous times.  Maybe it’s because they all live six-hours away and as much as I love my life in Flagstaff, I miss them more than I can express most days.  Maybe because I feel like the odd family member out, the lone gun man, and don’t know how not to feel that way.  I’m almost controlling and selfish with the time I get with them, and that realization is a horrible feeling.  You’d think the older I get and more of a life I build here, the easier it would be to go back to that life when family time is over,  but that’s not the case.  Now don’t get me wrong, it was a great weekend.  We had tons of laughs, enjoyed two days of March Madness, did a good deal of shopping and spent quality time together, but still I’m sad and left wishing for more time together.

On the other hand and just in time to cheer me up, Lauren is back from her overseas trip and should be arriving on my doorstep soon.  I can’t wait to hear stories of her trip and just give her a huge hug.  I’ve missed her immensely the past two weeks and will be relieved to know she is home and safe.  Plus, two weeks of life is a lot of catching up to do.  Then, to add more fun to the proverbial pot, my old and dear friend Emily is bunking at my casa tomorrow night as she drives through Flagstaff.  I’m sure we’ll spend our time together catching each other up and gossiping about the old gang while feating on Oreos and ice cream.  I haven’t seen her in almost two years, and it’s been months since we truly had a good chat.

Life is funny like that.  As sad as I am to say goodbye to three of the people I care most about, God has provided me with hellos and hugs of others that I’ve been missing.  I know deep down that even when I say goodbye to Emily Monday morning or remember the three hundred mile distance that separates me from my family, I am still loved and still love, and that’s more than enough to get by.

My family is on its way to visit me, and to be honest, I’m having a hard time focusing on anything because I cannot wait for them to get here.  Zac has visited me a handful of times since I moved, and dad was up here after Christmas.  But mom has yet to see my place finished, and I blame her for my Christmas decorations staying up as long as they did.  Part of me just kept hopping if they stayed up, she’d eventually come and see them.  Yet, apparently, she has a full time job and has to take care of the boys… so no visits for Laurel until now.  I have spent way too much time as of late meticulously making sure everything is as it should be in my house.  I’ve grocery shopped for everything they liked, planned meals, and have visited Target four separate times to ensure I have everything they could possibly need to be comfortable.

What is it about our parents that even as grown adults we have an obsession with pleasing them?  Will it really matter to them that every picture and decoration on the wall is level?  No, you say?  Then why did I have to check every single thing on every wall with a level last night?  I’m sure Cory thought I was losing my mind as I checked and rechecked my parental preparation list 15 times yesterday and today to make sure everything was just right, but you only get one chance to make a first impression.  Even as I think about this afternoon, it seemes laughable to spend that much time focusing on details they won’t even notice.  People come in and out of my place all the time and probably couldn’t tell you what colors the throw pillows on my couches are, and yet I went so far as considering ironing the wrinkles in them that I noticed late last night.  Maybe I’ll just turn off all the lights and light candles, so that the room has a nice glow when they get there without shining a spotlight on anything I might have missed.  Yeah, that’s a good plan.  Then they’ll think their daughter is holding a seance and not critique her decorating, cleaning, or living as an adult skills.  Whew, I feel so much better.

I miss being a CaresTeam some days.  I miss the challenge and struggles off feeding the masses dinner on $20.  There was something greatly gratifying about conquering the obstacles that we had in our ministry and finding success in that apartment complex.  One of my favorite things used to be our biweekly shopping trips where I would spend hours scouring the weekly grocery store ads and planning all of our events and cooking around what was on sale and how much we could save.  I loved to accomplishment of spending $30 while saving $50.

Even though I’m no longer in charge of feeding the crowd, I still find joy in shopping the bargains on a smaller scale,.  So today after combing through the ads and planning meals for the next two weeks, we headed off to conquer the grocery list.  At the end of the day, the freezer, fridge and pantry were stocked.  We had saved 21% more than we spent and have everything needed for breakfast, lunch and dinner for the next few weeks.  Now, who wants to come over for dinner?

There’s an easy test here in Flagstaff to see if it’s still Winter.  Look at my hands.  If they are dry and irritated, Winter has yet to say it’s goodbyes and depart so that we can be blessed by Spring.  Last fall my mom traveled to Michigan for my cousin’s birthday and found this amazing hand cream somewhere along the way.  The smell is pleasant without being overpowering, and it leaves my hands feeling refreshed and hydrated.  As much of my day is spent typing and working on other people’s computers, I hate the slimy and greasy feeling left behind by most lotions, but this one is AH-MAZ-ING!  You can buy it on Amazon, and I’ve even found it in a boutique downtown.  If you run across it, treat yourself to a tube.  Your hand will thank you.

It’s been a long, long time since I’ve read a book that captured my attention like William P. Young’s “The Shack” recently did. I laughed. I cried. I couldn’t put it down, and when I was done I was both exhausted and renewed. This simple fiction guy meets God novel dares each and everyone who reads it to challenge how they view both God and themselves. It’s worth your time and the journey it will take you on.

Mackenzie Allen Philips’ youngest daughter, Missy, has been abducted during a family vacation and evidence that she may have been brutally murdered is found in an abandoned shack deep in the Oregon wilderness. Four years later in the midst of his Great Sadness, Mack receives a suspicious note, apparently from God, inviting him back to that shack for a weekend. Against his better judgment he arrives at the shack on a wintry afternoon and walks back into his darkest nightmare. What he finds there will change Mack’s world forever. In a world where religion seems to grow increasingly irrelevant “The Shack” wrestles with the timeless question, “Where is God in a world so filled with unspeakable pain?” The answers Mack gets will astound you and perhaps transform you as much as it did him. You’ll want everyone you know to read this book!

I’d forgotten that these pictures were taken the last time I had the girls until I discovered them when adding new batteries into my camera earlier this week. Sometime on Saturday morning while I was making breakfast the two make-believe princesses in the new dress-up gowns I had bought them curled up on Cory’s lap to be sweet harass him. Miss M was not pleased with her 2nd rate seat with Cory, so I headed into the living room to diffuse the squabble. (Siblings can be so competitive.) As soon as I saw the cuteness and grabbed my camera, J pleaded for me to ‘put her on the internet’ while Cory wanted to make sure both of his hands were clearly in the photo and not on the girls. (Apparently, someone is anti-chimo. Probably, wise.)

I plan on using the other shot Cory took of the girls as blackmail the next time they are screaming and fighting with each other. “Remember when you guys loved each other and were sweet, good girls??? Well, do me a favor and ask those girls to come back.” Wow, I really do sound more and more like my mom every day.

The day of change has finally arrived. President Bush has ridden off into the proverbial sunset as President Obama has taken his oath and stepped into the last job he’ll ever hold. Our campus and most of the nation (and world) collectively stopped today to watch history in the making. Expectations are high for our new leader, and the road will not be an easy one.  More than any other words spoken on this momentous occasion, the following blessing is my hope for the next four years.

Let us pray.

Almighty God, our Father, everything we see and everything we can’t see exists because of you alone. It all comes from you. It all belongs to you. It all exists for your glory.

History is your story. The Scripture tells us, “Hear O Israel, the Lord is our God. The Lord is One.” And you are the compassionate and merciful one. And you are loving to everyone you have made.

Now, today, we rejoice not only in America’s peaceful transfer of power for the 44th time. We celebrate a hingepoint of history with the inauguration of our first African American president of the United States. We are so grateful to live in this land, a land of unequaled possibility, where the son of an African immigrant can rise to the highest level of our leadership. And we know today that Dr. King and a great cloud of witnesses are shouting in heaven.

Give to our new President, Barack Obama, the wisdom to lead us with humility, the courage to lead us with integrity, the compassion to lead us with generosity. Bless and protect him, his family, Vice President Biden, the cabinet, and every one of our freely elected leaders.

Help us, O God, to remember that we are Americans, united not by race, or religion, or blood, but to our commitment to freedom and justice for all. When we focus on ourselves, when we fight each other, when we forget you, forgive us. When we presume that our greatness and our prosperity is ours alone, forgive us. When we fail to treat our fellow human beings and all the earth with the respect that they deserve, forgive us. And as we face these difficult days ahead, may we have a new birth of clarity in our aims, responsibility in our actions, humility in our approaches, and civility in our attitudes, even when we differ.

Help us to share, to serve and to seek the common good of all. May all people of good will today join together to work for a more just, a more healthy and a more prosperous nation and a peaceful planet. And may we never forget that one day all nations and all people will stand accountable before you. We now commit our new president and his wife, Michelle and his daughters, Malia and Sasha, into your loving care.

I humbly ask this in the name of the one who changed my life, Yeshua, Isa, Jesus [Spanish pronunciation], Jesus, who taught us to pray:

“Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name. Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done on earth as it is in heaven. Give us this day our daily bread and forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from evil. For thine is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.” – Inaugural Invocation by Rick Warren

In lieu of the typical New Year’s Resolutions, I’ve decided to do one thing and one thing only… choose to be happy.  The past year has been one of the best and craziest years of my life.  It hasn’t been amazing because I won the lottery or spent six months vacationing in Europe.  No, it was simply because I made the selfish and worthwhile choice to surround myself with positive things.  A wise friend once told me that you can’t possibly make a difference in this world and in people’s lives if you’re running on empty, and this year has shown me that.

What seemed like the greatest leap of faith months ago now feels like the first baby step of growth.   In twelve months time, I moved out on my own and created a home that was mine.  I embraced change and lived by faith.  People who were an negative influence on my life or added unneeded drama somehow fell away, and I was constantly reminded at the blessings I had in my friends and family.   I’ve struggled in the past with being content at where I am on this life’s journey, but as I spent the last six months consciously deciding to be happy, I’ve realized being content isn’t a 24 hour a day, 7 day a week thing.  It’s the ability to have faith that where you are on your life’s journey is exactly where God wants you to be.  As I look to a brand new year, I can say with confidence that this one is going to be one of the best yet.

So here’s to 2009… may it be everything we hope for.