10.  Days off in the middle of the week

9.    New Music Tuesday

8.    A good book before bedtime

7.    Chiropractor appointments with my favorite sports fanatic doc

6.    Fratelliquillas, twice in one day

5.    Cute convertible gloves (in pink and black)

4.    Melted first snows

3.    New pairs of contacts (because three months might be too long to wear the old ones.)

2.    Working remote controls in every room of my apartment

1.    And most importantly, best friends (in all shapes and sizes)

Life has been pretty freakin’ sweet as of late.  I’m not quite sure what’s been going on, but for the first time in a long time I feel like the dark clouds have begun to clear from the sky and follow someone else around.  Yes, yes, life hasn’t been that bad, but I have been in a slump. (Think batting .295 instead of .330 not October ‘08 Stock Market.)  It’s something I think I’ve been dealing well with for the most part.  Sure, there was that church thing awhile back and moving and leaving Cares.  Work hasn’t been 40 hours a week of bliss but more like 60 hours of juggling a feather, bowling ball, and screamin’ toddler at the same time, however life is still grand.

I think this upswing of happiness started months ago with all of the changes in my life, but I really began to feel and embrace it in the past two weeks.  It doesn’t help that I’ve had some pretty awesome times with friends to remind me of how great life can really be.  The pajama party with my munchkins was the perfect beginning to this friendapalooza.  Then, the very next day I was graced with the the humor and wisdom of JLo during a three hour rendezvous outside of Late For The Train downtown.  Caffeine and people watching sets the perfect backdrop for two old friends to catch up on a Sunday evening.

Monday was no slacker in the joy department as Lauren, Jeff and I headed down the mountain to spend an evening with Matty Nay.  The drive down was full of spastic twitter conversations about Albert Pujols and the Saved By The Bell cast, and Mr. Nathanson did not disappoint.  Of course, I am a lil sad that for the second time in a row he showed love to my accompanying cast and not me, but watching him call out Jeff aka beard boy for not singing along to ‘Take On Me’ was well worth the lack of love.  Tuesday marked the release of the Ryan Adams’ album and Jeff’s release party complete with a drama queen (not me this time!), dutiful boyfriend, drunk roommate (mint ice cream mojitos, ew!), and Arrested Development, while Wednesday and Thursday brought good times with great friends, the kind that make you feel like you belong.

Our dear friend Kyle (Mr. I’ll Never Talk To You After Graduation) blessed us with his presence on Friday and filled our evening with tales of the Border Patrol Academy while we munched on tacos and enchiladas.  (Oh, the irony!) Grey’s Anatomy and Ugly Betty completed our Halloween evening, and Saturday was full of a Battlestar Galactica marathon (don’t hate) and an afternoon with my favorite Flagstaff family and their unicow.  On Sunday morning, I sang in church for the first time in two years and found a spiritual home, while Sunday evening was spent playing ‘beauty shop’ as I cut Jeff’s hair and colored Lauren’s. Finally on Monday night, I crashed and slept for 11 hours to recover from all of the activities on my social calendar.

So needless to say, life has been fan-freakin-tastic, until today… or yesterday, since it’s 2am now.  Wednesday was a challenge from beginning to end, and for a reason I couldn’t quite comprehend for most of it, I was off.  The questions of ‘are you ok’, ‘what’s wrong’, ‘why are you emo’ could only be answered with ‘I don’t know’ or a lie of ‘I’m fine‘.  Some of the air in my happiness balloon had escaped, and I really couldn’t remember why.  Then somewhere within the few minutes of my drive home from work the shuffle mode of my iPod once again silenced me with a simple Lucinda Williams song, and without conscious thought my car drove past my apartment and headed away from the lights of Flagstaff.

Somewhere between the fifth and sixth time I listened to the song on repeat, my brain was able to finally put the puzzle pieces of this day’s happiness hiccup together and sort through what my heart was refusing to acknowledge and remember.  The older I get the more I realize that happiness is a choice.  We get to decide what and who affects us positively or negatively.  Ever the control freak, I’ve struggled too many times to keep my sad moments or sorrows in check until I’m alone, or even worse, I’ve lied straight to the face of those who love and care about me for fear of appearing weak.  I can’t promise that I’ll never be upset again or that I’ll never lie and say ‘I’m ok’ when I’m not, but I can promise this… if you ask me today ‘are you alright’ I’ll tell you of yesterday’s heartache and today’s happiness, and on the days where I can only tell you ‘I’m ok’ and you know it’s a lie, don’t stop asking, please?

Lucinda Williams - ‘Are You Alright?’

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As always Zac has great taste when it comes to music, and on my last voyage to the homeland of cotton, cows, and copper, he introduced me to one of my favorite new songs. I don’t listen to country music all day every day, but it’s hard to be in Willcox and not want to roll the windows down and drive slowly through town listening to country music. Something wonderful has been in the air as of late, and this song expresses that sentiment perfectly.  So listen! Watch!  Love!  Live!  And it’d sure be nice if you would roll with me.

Montgomery Gentry - Roll With Me

Wake up in the morning
Get to living my life
Making sure that Im all that I can be
Went to church on Sunday
There was a moment that came
I swear it was like the Lord spoke right to me

So now I’m slowing it down and I’m looking around
And I’m lovin’ this town and I’m doing alright
Aint’ worried ’bout nothing except the man I wanna be
I’m thinking it’s time to be livin’ the rhyme
When I’m singing a song about nothing but right
And it’d sure be nice if you would roll with me

Saw a kid last winter only twenty years old
Being laid to rest while his mom stood by his side
Sure was hard to watch those tears roll down her face
Made me think how we all just have our time

So now I’m slowing it down and I’m looking around
And I’m lovin/ this town and I’m doing alright
Aint’ worried ’bout nothing except the man I wanna be
I’m thinking it’s time to be livin’ the rhyme
When I’m singing a song about nothing but right
And it’s sure be nice if you would roll with me

Who knows whats ahead
I think I’d rather not know instead

So now I’m slowing it down and I’m looking around
And I’m lovin this town and I’m doing alright
Aint’ worried ’bout nothing except the man I wanna be
I’m thinking it’s time to be livin’ the rhyme
When I’m singing a song about nothing but right
And it’s sure be nice if you would roll with me

Wow, 365 days ago I decided to begin a journey on this website that included making time each day to journal, rant, gush, or just talk through the happenings of my life.  Originally the goal was to write every day for the month of November, and once that ended I just couldn’t stop.  As I’ve read back over the past fews days at the highlights and struggles of this last year, I realize just how blessed I am to have an outlet for processing and documenting my little moments.

I’m sure to many the concept of blogging must be a lot like the musical encore, a desperate cry for attention and affirmation.  (Seriously, why do we even scream for the encore.  We know it’s gonna happen.)  Yet, for me even if everyone stopped reading my words on their computer screen, I don’t think I could cease writing.  Some of hardest days and saddest moments have been laid to rest here.  I’ve taken verbal snapshots of the best times of my life, so that they will never be forgotten.  Most importantly, I’ve found a home for me.  So as a new November begins this morning, I’m not going to make a huge pledge to post every day.  There’s just no need. Instead, I’m going to keep on expressing me and hope that a few of you might be touched, entertained or inspired along the way.

Eventually I plan on ceasing with the Ryan Adams talk. (I said eventually, Cory).  But for the moment this eclectic musician has my full attention.  Not since the release of Continuum has an album gripped me from first word to last chord like this one. In the days leading up to its release, I fought the good fight to be strong and refrain from listening until my musical boy bff Jeff’s listening party Tuesday night. But even the bravest soldiers sometimes lose in battle, and this was a battle I was destined to lose.

Nine other Ryan Adams albums and a handful of unreleased EPs have provided the soundtrack to so many of my ‘transition to adultdom’ days, and if you hadn’t figured it out yet, the bar for Cardinology was almost unobtainable. It was the newborn baby born to a family already full of successful children.  However, that’s the brilliance of Adams.  Each and every album is a distinct offering, a unique piece of art that deserves a room of its own in a musical museum.

From the first listen, I was obsessively rewinding portions of each song to hear the lyrical sentiments over and over again.  I was enamored with the musical sound of each moment, and the stories each song told hit me square in the chest.  As much as Jacksonville City Nights is my favorite RA album, this was just seemed more approachable for my journey.  Even stranger, there are somewhat positive songs on this album.  I’m sure many die-hard fans will find it too main-stream and lacking in the gut-wrenching songs of emotional devastation, but as I’ve come to learn, girl cannot live on depression alone.  So for my musical gushing this week, I offer you Cardinology.  Hopefully, it will command your ear like its done mine, and WHEN (not if) it does, go buy the album and suppor the artist.  Pretty please!

Born Into A Light: “For everything that’s wrong there is a worried man. There is a reason why. We just don’t understand but will.  You got to keep the faith.”

Go Easy: “If only to say this to myself, I will always love you. I will always love you. So go easy on yourself.”

Fix It: “I know it’s not a game. But it feels like losing when someone you love throws you away. I’d fix it.”

Magick: “So turn the radio up loud and get down. Let you body move. Let you body sway. Listen the music play. It’s magick.”

Cobwebs: “If I fall will you catch me? If I’m sorry, sorry enough? If I fall will you pity me? Will you confuse my love for the cobwebs?”

Let Us Down Easy: “Every season i spend alone feels like a thousand in my heart and soul. So let me down if you must, but let us down easy, Lord. Let us down easy.”

Crossed Out Name: “I wish I could tell you just how I felt. I don’t pray; I shower and say goodnight to myself. When I close my eyes, I feel like a page. With a crossed-out name.”

Natural Ghost: “I was waitin’ around for somebody to die. Nobody did, but a part of me died. I suppose from all that waiting.”

Sink Ships: “War is over. And I’m waiting in the sinking ship. If only I had known.”

Evergreen: “And maybe you’ll find someone to lay some roots down next to you. Be more like the trees and less like the clouds.”

Like Yesterday: “The trees outside are still. I take a sleeping pill and feel a little less pain.”

Stop: “Call in the backup and the backup comes. Nobody can help you if you won’t. Inside your chest your heart is just hurt. Behind your eyes a need replaced a want.”