I wasn’t a huge fan of Coldplay’s latest album, but as I heard “Fix You” on the radio today, I remembered exactly how much I loved this song and this video. I love how as the song builds the video matches that intensity. It’s nice to see a video support and not detract from the music.

I left work 20 minutes early yesterday because as soon as I walked into my new office (Daddy’s house as I lovingly refer to it) I started breaking out into hives and having an allergic reaction to something around me (or stress).  Oops!!  After a quick stop at Sam’s Club to grab the needed supplies for a pancake breakfast Saturday morning, I arrived home to do nothing but shower and wait for my skin to chill-out.  My roommate had mentioned that I had received a package that afternoon.  Sitting on my kitchen counter was a large green box addressed to me from ProFlowers.  Not expecting such a package, I was delighted and overwhelmed to find the sweetest card from Zac and 18 gorgeous pink, red, yellow, and white with pink-tips roses.  No matter what’s going I’m going through or dealing with in my life, there has never been a time where I could say that I was unloved, and that simple fact makes any mountain climbable and any heartache survivable.  Thanks, bff.  Love you, too.

I have very few rules when it comes to sharing my life here in this little space of mine. They aren’t brain-busters… but simple, logical, don’t scare your readers away or get fired rules.First, I don’t discuss work unless it’s fun and harmless. Next, I don’t name names when I’m upset and ranting even when I want to scream and point, “That’s the big, fat, meanie-head!!! They’re the ones that made me cry! Go poke them in the eye if you love me…” (Discreet and private finger-pointing is why email and texting were created.) Finally, I try to keep my love stalking obsession appreciation of John Mayer to a minimum. That, my friends, is what message boards, Local-83, Mayer-loving friends, and 15gbs of hard drive space are for. (Don’t judge. I’m sure you have deep, dark secrets. *cough* Taylor Swift *cough*)

But, today I plan on breaking rule #3. Please don’t think that I’m going to be gushing about ‘that pansy boy who’s written crappy songs like Your Body Is A Wonderland and Daughters and stop reading. Please? You might actually enjoy JM if you give him a chance and get past the fact you think he’s not your cup of tea (or your pissed that he’s dated Jessica Simpson and you haven’t). Anyway, back in December Mayer held his 1st Annual Holiday Charity Revue where he played music from his three musical incarnations: the bluesy John Mayer Trio, his ‘apr’ acoustic work, and jams with his full band. It was promised at the time that that night’s show would eventually make it to a dvd, and that simple fact took a way a bit of the pain I experienced when I decided not to sell my soul and take a road trip to LA to hear him play as John, John Mayer Trio, and John Mayer live.

Mayer released his first dvd Any Given Thursday back in the spring of 2003, and I distinctly remember watching it in wonder for the first time. This was back before Austin City Limits, Crossroads with Brad Paisley, Saturday Night Live, and the millions of youtube videos available today. I had a few live shows in digital format and hundreds of mp3s yet had never watched him play before. The AGT dvd began with standard Mayer acoustic songs like Back To You, 3×5, and City Love, but as track #5 started, I knew this was something new. “I’m not alone but I wish I was. Cause then I’d know I was down because I didn’t have a friend around to love me like they do right now.” I must have rewound that first phrase of Something’s Missing six times before I let the dvd play on. He continued with a cover of The Police’s Message In A Bottle, Stevie Ray Vaughan’s Lenny, a new intro to Why Georgia, and his typically quirky between song banter. Just when he’d lulled me into a groove of familiar songs, he started Covered In Rain.

As I think back on it, I realize that as I heard CIR for the first time it wasn’t the song itself that captured me but watching him perform it. I didn’t pick up on the raw reactions to a post-911 NYC in the lyrics or the continuation of City Love‘s story of Lydia in this first listen. Yet, ‘the second (about 2.5 mins in) the guitar solo began, this song demanded my attention and admiration. I grew up listening to my dad’s idea of guitar gods, but to me, this was different. Somehow in that 5 minute guitar solo a story was told… and the emotions caused by ‘the world getting colder’ found their canvas. CIR still ranks at the top of my favorite John Mayer songs, and the chance I had to watch him play it live is something I’ll never forget.

Needless to say, when his newest dvd (and 2-disc set!), Where The Light Is, is finally released on July 1st, there will be a copy in my hands as soon as possible. (Some of you may even be forced into watching it with me, and it won’t kill you. Call it your late birthday present to me. I promise not to sing too loud or squeal to much.) Seriously though, part of me is worried that my expectations are so high that I may ended up disappointed with the final product of that night back in December, but I just don’t see how that’s possible. He played Free Fallin and In Your Atmosphere… Steve Jordan, Pino Palladino… the band!!! How can that not be amazing?!?! Until then, I’ll wait patiently watching Any Given Thursday for the 92nd time (with the commentary on) and hope that when I finally get my hands on it, you’ll forgive me if that’s all I want to listen to (and talk about) for a while.

Any Given Thursday’s Covered In Rain

Where The Light Is trailer

Amidst the ickiness of this week there have been a few bright spots. Out of the blue on Sunday afternoon, I got a text from JLo saying that he was in town for the week and wanted to get together. After a few quick ‘logistical’ texts, we decided to meet the next day at our old lunch joint, August Moon. (Missed you, Hero!) After Chinese food and life-recapping, we decided to swing by the workplace of Paul, one our mutual friends and father of our Flagstaff family. Paul quickly invited us to come out to the house for dinner and spend the evening with his family.  Home cooking from Paul’s wife , Kim, is always a treat so we gladly agreed.

One of the things I’ve always loved about this family is that the atmosphere of their home is always relaxed and inviting.  It seemed natural to sit around the living room watching The Hills with their son and his girlfriend while we waited for the rest of the family to get home.  (I had never seen The Hills before, and now I’m afraid I might love the fake drama!  Speidi is sooo evil.)  Once the whole family arrived home for the evening, and sat down at the table for dinner.  Between stuffing our faces with roast and mashed potatoes, JLo caught us up on his life as the mom and daughter quizzed him about life, love, and other mysteries.

As the meal ended and people started to leave the table, the dad commented on how great Kim’s gravy was and joked that he might just drink the remaining two cups.  Always up for a challenge, JLo and I dared him to do just that, and in exchange for such a feat, I’d deliver donuts to his office in the morning.  Without hesitation he chugged two cups of gravy.  Honestly, I didn’t think he’d do it, but I guess I should have known better.  Hoping to avoid the after affects of having a blood gravy level of great than .09, JLo and I said our goodbyes and quickly departed.  Even two days later, I’m still unsure if it was pride or disgust I felt as I watched, but true to my word (and after he’d had Lauren check up the status of his prize), I delivered a dozen donuts to him the next day.  Here’s to hoping, the maple goodness of those breakfast delights made up for the inevitable bellyache he must have had.  I hope one day both he and Kim will forgive me for egging him on.  At least for now, I (along with everyone else in my cell phone who know him) have photographic evidence of the night’s activities.

Last night before my head hit the pillow, my last prayer was, “Please, Lord. Don’t let it snow tonight.” Well, as faithful and good as God is, it snowed last night, and I awoke to another winter wonderland. Yet, it’s not winter. It’s supposed to be spring verging on summertime. I’m supposed to awake to the birds chirping and worry about sunburns and pool parties.  Something is all wrong here, and I don’t need (or care) to hear the lectures on why the snow happened or how good it is for Flagstaff. I know all of that. My issues are personal.

You see, for the past few weeks I feel like I’ve been on a bit of a losing streak.  My head and my heart have been stretched in every direction, and I just don’t seem to feel at ease anymore.  The one word that keeps coming to mind is overwhelmed.  It’s silly because as I line it all up, I’m still me and blessed and happy and winning the race, but it would be nice to have won a few battles lately.  I’ve taken that scary, vulnerable step of discussing a few of my not so pleasant moments in this public forum, but today there isn’t one big issue that I feel the need to sort out.  It’s just a bunch of little things.  Things that I’ve talked about here before.  Things I don’t want to discuss.  Things it seems silly to get upset over.

I’m sure all of those inner-Laurel struggles are why the snow has had such a profound effect on me today, and why even though it’s all melted away, its sadness still lingers.  I need to be able to plant flowers on my porch, water them and watch them grow.  I need to have to put sunscreen on and be made fun of for my ugly, green, wide-brimmed hat.  I need the winds of change to stop blowing and this chill to leave the air.  I need to know when I wake up tomorrow the sun will be out and sitting high in the sky waiting for me.

Please don’t be offended if the snow outside doesn’t thrill me.  I still love to watch it fall and marvel at its ability to transform the earth in just a few hours.  Flagstaff is still my home, and I can’t imagine living anywhere else.  I just need the weather not to be a public projection of inner-turmoil.  To put it simply, my soul just needs a lil sunshine.

Our 2nd Annual First Day of Summer breakfast for Academic Computing was this morning, and I’m stuffed. Eggs galore, tons of pork fat, potato cakes that were to-die-for, and my homemade pancakes hot off the griddle fed the masses. My pancake recipe is a mixture of three of my favorite recipes. 4 years of monthly pancake breakfasts for my apartment complex has helped to perfect these little circles of goodness. Sugar… nutmeg… cinnamon. Amazing! I promise when you make (and you really gotta) you can eat them without syrup or butter. Just make a batch and freeze them. Pop them in the toaster and instant, yummy breakfast on the go!

Laurel’s Homemade Pancakes

• 1 cup flour
• 1/4 cup oil
• 1/4 cup sugar
• 1 egg
• 1 cup milk
• 1 tsp baking powder
• 1 tsp vanilla
• 1/2 tsp salt
• 3/4 tsp cinnamon
• 1/4 tsp nutmeg

Separate egg white from egg yolk and set white aside. Mix yolk and liquid ingredients. In a separate bowl mix dry ingredients and slowly mix them into wet mixture. When dry and wet ingredients are completely mixed, beat egg white until it forms soft-medium peaks. Fold egg white into batter. Spoon 1/3 cup servings onto hot griddle and flip only when bubbles form, break, and do not fill back in.

Zac: What are you up to?

Laurel: Going to see Iron Man.

Z: Punk

L: Shut up. What are you doing?

Z: Heading to San Simon to meet up with V to go see a movie..

L: What are you gonna see?

Z: I don’t know. I want to see Iron Man, and she wants to see Maid of Honor.

L: You should meet in the middle and go see Iron Maiden.

Z: (Laughter) That deserves a fist pound.

Just a month shy of my 27th birthday, I’ve received my brother’s Seal of Approval. I even repeated the exchange for my dad, and he laughed. I can die happy.

I’m more than a bit gleeful about something I usually would be upset about.  You see, I’m sunburned.  Really, truly strawberry-like.  (You know, pink with dark freckles.)  I was only outside from 9am to 10am this morning and most of that time was in partial shade.  But, my chest and face are a tale-tell pink. Luckily, it’s not my typical sun-poisoning with blisters and a week of illness, so it’s not that bad of a burn in Laurelland.  Usually I’m more than obsessive about sunscreen every morning and throughout the time I’m outside, but we’ve yet to see any strong signs that winter is finally going away.  Heck, it’s still below freezing at night.  Starting tomorrow morning that step is back in the beauty routine.  The flipflops are out.  The freckles are quickly appearing, and the long winter is finally over.  Thank goodness!!

I’m opening a big ol’ can of worms here, and I’m quite positive even if some of you don’t comment you’ll still be reading this and shaking your head at my slanted political views and lack of political respect. But screw it… I just have one important question I’d like answers to tonight. How is it Jon Stewart has the ability to make people seem so freakin’ cool? Take the next two clips of Presidential Candidate John McCain on Wed’s episode of The Daily Show. Yes, I know this is FAKE NEWS. No, I don’t care.

McCain is genuinely funny and seems to understand a simple fact most politicians get wrong: a large number of The Daily Show and Colbert Report viewers are not looking for a campaign speech or lecture on the virtues of one’s possible presidency. We watch to laugh. It’s that simple. Of course, McCain plugs himself. Yet, for any one who’s seen the other two candidates on fake news lately, McCain is a breath of fresh, humorous air. Despite the fact that deep down you know he’s taking this presidency thing seriously… he has fun with Stewart and plays along. I mean he chooses Dwight K. Schrute for his running mate. Did he not see last week’s episode of The Office?!?! Dwight is an unstable power-hungry leader. Honestly, Dwight’s Emergency Take-over chart reminds me of another famous second-in-command, but that’s just a coincidence, right?

Now the sad thing in this whole election year is many in my generation look to Colbert and Stewart for real news. Lately, we’ve stopped confidently deciding our views on our own and have allowed ourselves to be swept up in punditry and flashing lights. Colbert and Stewart are at their best when they work together as a check-and -balance system of our nation, culture, and thought process. and a catalyst to our own research. Maybe I’ve got this all wrong, but let’s try something new as we move toward November. FoxNews, MSNBC and all your friends, do your job and hook us up with the facts. Stewart and Colbert, you just keep entertaining us, and hopefully, each one of us will decide who we are and what we believe and stand unwaveringly. Isn’t that the change we need?

Once in a blue moon while talking to my dad on the phone, he randomly asks if I have one of his cds. Not just any cd but some specific album that he has a hankering to listen to and can’t because he doesn’t know where it is. Now, I haven’t lived permanently in my parents’ home in years, but he still thinks that I have (stolen) some of his things. Most of the time I don’t know where the desired disc is and tell him to ask Zac, however every once in a while, when I say this… I lie. I don’t mean to steal from my dad. I just happen to borrow things and never return them. Isn’t that what all kids do?!?! In my mind, it’s his fault for having such great musical taste and exposing me to albums that I fall in love with. I mean if he took better care of his things I wouldn’t have the opportunity to swipe ‘em, right?

Today’s album of the week is one such album. Back in 1994 the world was introduced to Hootie and the Blowfish when their debut Cracked Rearview Mirror went platinum over 16 times and became one of the biggest albums of the 90′s. It was hard to escape their hits “Only Wanna Be With You”, “Let Her Cry”, “Hold My Hand”, and “Time” on the radio. Thanks to Cracked Rearview Mirror the world was introduced to lead-singer Darius Rucker or ‘Hootie’. After their next few albums failed to reach the peaks of success obtained by their debut, Rucker went back to the studio alone in 2002 to record Back To Then, his first solo effort.

Classified as neo-soul, this album highlighted the voice behind Hootie while allowing Rucker to spread his soulful wings. From the honesty of “Ten Years” to the feel good head-bopping beats of “Wild One”, Rucker breaks away from Hootie mold and establishes his musical presence. Personally, I love his pledge of commitment in “Exodus”, the self-declaration of “This Is My World”, his duet with Jill Scott “Sometimes I Wonder”, and the album title “Back To Then”. Whether you listened to Cracked Rearview Mirror and fell in love with the strength and raw emotion in Rucker’s voice or have no idea who I’m talking about, this is no Chris Gaines-esque project. Rucker is the real deal, so lay aside your preconceived notions of who you think he is and let the music take over.

Wild One: “See, I’m a demon on the loose. I’m like an engine with no caboose.”

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Exodus: “And all the things you’re going through, I will bear the weight with you.“

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Sometimes I Wonder: “You make me feel like I’ve seen the sun.”

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Back To Then: “Joy replaced with pain, and I don’t think we’ll ever be the same.”

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This Is My World: “But you want me to change. Still I can’t get used to all you want me to be.”

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Found this on the brand-spanking new iMac near my desk at my ‘summer project’ office when I walked in today. At first, I was a bit offended that the “Committee To Welcome Laurel” would do such a thing. Then I remembered all the times I did things like change people’s background image to John Mayer or the default window color to pink. Oops! I practiced self control for almost seventeen minutes before I touched it anyway (twss).

Recognize this view? Many of you should. It’s a photo taken a few weeks ago of the San Francisco Peaks and Flagstaff, Arizona. A colleague shared the link to this NASA pic of the day last week, and honestly, if it wasn’t from NASA, I would have assumed it was photoshopped. It’s that unreal. When I moved up here, one of the first things I noticed was the strange orange streetlights everywhere and lack of unnatural illumination at night. After eight years, I’ve come to appreciate the protected skies we’ve been gifted with as the first International Dark Sky city. From the desert I grew up in the to the never ending skyline of my uncle’s ranch in Montana, Flagstaff boasts the most magnificent stargazing I have ever witnessed. There’s just something breath-taking and humbling when you can stare up at the sky and marvel at both how small you are and how big God is.

Click for full-size image.

If you’ve ever spent much time with kids under the age of three, I’m sure you’ve noticed that each one of them live by a few universal toddler rules. 1) The loudest wail gets the most accomplished and the most positive or negative attention. 2) Anything and everything can be put in your mouth no matter how many times you’ve been told not to. 3) If I can’t see you, you’re not really there. It’s funny how as adults we without realizing it follow those same lifelines. Except instead of throwing temper tantrums with flying snot and tears, we roll our eyes and make catty comments or whisper our displeasure. We make poor decisions that we’ve been warned countless times against or that we should innately stay away from. Like the adorable kid covering their eyes with their own hands, we pretend that if don’t acknowledge reality it doesn’t exist.

I’ve spent the last few weeks covering my own eyes as change loomed on the horizon. I hate change. I hate the unknown. I hate not having a plan, a scheduled calendar of events six months in the future. I hate not having control. Sure, I knew things couldn’t always be the way they are now. I knew the facts and chose to suppress those natural human emotions of “what the crap am I gonna do??” Then, tonight it all came crashing down. Dates where a new existence would begin were written on a calendar. Deadlines were set. Goodbyes and hellos became more than just the inevitable, and reality become truth and not just a suggestion.

Let’s not beat around the bush. I didn’t handle it well. Panic set in. I hopped in the car and called my mom who just listened and let those emotions overflow. I hashed out possibilities and timelines. I told her how scared I was and how it wasn’t the future that frightened me but not knowing the path I was supposed to take. She reminded me that every season comes to an end, and every happening has a purpose. She offered encouragement and the reminder that this change was an answer to prayer and the end of countless struggles. She was my wise mother, a compassionate mommy, and my bff mom when I needed her most.

Change is still headed my way. I’m still gonna have moments of complete and utter collapse, and what needs to happen in the next few months will still overwhelm me. But, I’ve stopped playing the reality peek-a-boo game because I know that time marches on whether or not you want it to. For now, let’s go ahead and schedule a time this fall where we can all sit back and laugh at my drama queen distress today. We’ll watch the Arizona sun set as we sip iced tea, and I won’t be offended when you remind how we all knew deep down… it would be okay.

So it’s Sunday morning, and AGAIN I’m at work. It’s not a huge deal because after four weeks of these little four-hour shifts as a student worker I’ve learned to come prepared. Today, I felt like one of the kids as I hauled in my laptop, 500gb usb drive, and purse full of essentials (cell phone, iPods, sharpies). But, even with all my preparation, by 11am I was bored and looking for something to occupy my mind as I answered tech support questions. (Boredom + Laurel = trouble.) While I was speaking with a user who was working to create their first website ever… three hours before it I was due, I started pilfering (as my Grandma would say) around the lab station. The drawers labeled “Lost and Found” called to me, and I couldn’t help but open them. I’m not sure what I was expecting… a textbook, a pair of sunglasses, a scarf. Things people would forget about easily. However, what I found was nothing that I expected. Jackets, a pair of jeans, two cell phones, 15 sets of keys (9 that had auto door remotes), 9 usb flash drives, 2 wallets, headphones, bluetooth headsets, calculators, 8 student id cards, 6 pair of sunglasses, 3 pairs of reading glasses, and a passport. Wait, stop. Let it sink in. Someone’s United States of America Passport is chillin’ in the Lost and Found in the computer lab. How do you lose that in a computer lab??? Just in case you don’t believe, I’m including a picture. Wish I could wrap my brain around this one.