If you’ve ever spent much time with kids under the age of three, I’m sure you’ve noticed that each one of them live by a few universal toddler rules. 1) The loudest wail gets the most accomplished and the most positive or negative attention. 2) Anything and everything can be put in your mouth no matter how many times you’ve been told not to. 3) If I can’t see you, you’re not really there. It’s funny how as adults we without realizing it follow those same lifelines. Except instead of throwing temper tantrums with flying snot and tears, we roll our eyes and make catty comments or whisper our displeasure. We make poor decisions that we’ve been warned countless times against or that we should innately stay away from. Like the adorable kid covering their eyes with their own hands, we pretend that if don’t acknowledge reality it doesn’t exist.

I’ve spent the last few weeks covering my own eyes as change loomed on the horizon. I hate change. I hate the unknown. I hate not having a plan, a scheduled calendar of events six months in the future. I hate not having control. Sure, I knew things couldn’t always be the way they are now. I knew the facts and chose to suppress those natural human emotions of “what the crap am I gonna do??” Then, tonight it all came crashing down. Dates where a new existence would begin were written on a calendar. Deadlines were set. Goodbyes and hellos became more than just the inevitable, and reality become truth and not just a suggestion.

Let’s not beat around the bush. I didn’t handle it well. Panic set in. I hopped in the car and called my mom who just listened and let those emotions overflow. I hashed out possibilities and timelines. I told her how scared I was and how it wasn’t the future that frightened me but not knowing the path I was supposed to take. She reminded me that every season comes to an end, and every happening has a purpose. She offered encouragement and the reminder that this change was an answer to prayer and the end of countless struggles. She was my wise mother, a compassionate mommy, and my bff mom when I needed her most.

Change is still headed my way. I’m still gonna have moments of complete and utter collapse, and what needs to happen in the next few months will still overwhelm me. But, I’ve stopped playing the reality peek-a-boo game because I know that time marches on whether or not you want it to. For now, let’s go ahead and schedule a time this fall where we can all sit back and laugh at my drama queen distress today. We’ll watch the Arizona sun set as we sip iced tea, and I won’t be offended when you remind how we all knew deep down… it would be okay.