Today is February 29th… leap day, and I’m supposed to be taking a break from my daily blogging. I’m supposed to do something different while I rest my voice and my fingers. So just as rare as this day is, I’m going to be vulnerable and talk about the cracks in my armor. I’ve never done this well, and therefore being as type-A as I am, I shy away from such discussions. Strength, to me, has always meant caring for those around me and never being a burden to their struggles. It’s meant being high maintenance but completely self-maintained… not crying when most would but bawling at something as trivial as Grey’s Anatomy because I’d rather be seen as silly than broken. Simply, it’s meant knowing your struggles and heartaches and never telling you mine.

That’s where this blog thing gets hard to do some days. Because no matter how open and honest I try to be here, I still find myself tucking away parts of me to remain hidden from the world. I was blog hopping earlier today (JAWS training can get a bit tedious) and was surprised to see so many bloggers who find this ability to be raw and honest with their readers. They rant about things I don’t dare speak about, and in some ways, I’m jealous. Since I began this journey there have been a handful of things I’ve longed to speak about on here, but I don’t… because I can’t bring myself to be that open and would hate to wound someone with my commentary on something they’ve done. I want to talk about the heartaches and letdowns I’ve suffered at the hands of others and the things I’ve learned about myself from them. I want to ask why I don’t matter enough. I want to question those people in my life who take more than they ever could give and refuse to pull their weight in our relationship and say goodbye to those who had to be pruned away. I have things to say about how I’m scared of getting older and sometimes wonder if I’m ever going to be good enough. Heck, I even want to talk about the taboo subjects of politics and religion. But I don’t.

As you can guess, this isn’t easy to confess. I’ve worked hard to have it all under control knowing full well I’d love someone to reach and help. Even as I write this, I silently wish that if you read this you don’t act with pity toward me or treat me as if I’m fragile. I don’t know if I could handle that. In a perfect world, each of us would always strive to be the kind of friend we desire others to be to us. Wouldn’t that solve so many of our heartaches and heal our hidden wounds? However, no one is perfect, and leap year is just a way for us to catch up with the sun. So tomorrow, we’ll go back to normalcy here and while there might be a few posts about the upcoming election or those conservative values of mine, I’ll speak of nothing but love for each of you because in the end… I love you, no matter what.