So my Grandma Gussie had a stroke today. How many times do I have to type “…had a stroke today” or even “…was rushed to the ER today”? I seem to say it a lot lately. There is good news… apparently they don’t believe it’s life threatening. She can’t walk. She’s been having mini-strokes for days, but they (the doctors) think there is a chance she will improve and get better. She’s received the standard diagnosis of 6 months before she’s walking on her own… but she will walk. She has to. She’s young and healthy, and I’ve already lost one grandmother. I’m not ready for her to go. I won’t lose her before I spend more time with her. Before she knows what she means to me. You don’t make the same mistakes twice.

I wish I could say that I’m handling it well but that would be a lie. I’m definitely scared and freaked out. I’ve wondered aloud, “why?” Why have all of these things happened this year? Why does God think Keri and I are strong enough to handle such things? I don’t feel strong enough. I feel like a whiner when I have to tell people my latest nightmare. I feel like every week I have a new tragedy, a new reason to not be on my A game and while everyone is supportive, I’m still broken and exhausted…..

Be strong…. make a joke… smile…. be strong… no cracks in the surface… Be strong… Be strong… Be strong